What matters is how we deal with these shit days.
For example, my head is in a dark cloud today, I have been quite teary, unmotivated and have spent most of the day feeling down in the dumps.
You know what though, that is okay! And I know that is okay. I was actually accepting that I may be like this today because last night my arms and legs were restless and achey and I couldn’t settle to sleep until I eventually took a sleeping tablet and too.. that is okay.
It is okay not to be okay, emotions are guidelines for when we need to slow down and appreciate what is around us a little more. Look in the mirror and love a little more, Sit outside and bask in the beauty a little more.
This is a journey, it’s a recovery and I am learning to control this ‘illness’ that I have been dealt. Depression is a wanker, a life taker and a family member stealer. Sometimes when I am being attacked by my intrusive thoughts I do have the odd moment where I think what am I doing!? I can’t do this anymore.
But, I CALL BULLSHIT ON THAT!
WE ALL CAN do this, we are all on a battle for something or any other it’s just that for some of us the fight is within ourselves.
Some days when I feel like this I will try and sleep it off, sleep it away. Hide away and not deal with anything. But today I decided that regardless of if I have tears strolling down my face for reasons unknown to me I am staying up. And I have.
I have been shopping. Walked around in the sun and accepted that I can’t always be the hyperactive pain in the ass that I usually am.
I also understand that the better it gets, the better it gets therefore the worst it gets, the worst it gets. And my grey cloud is going to be raining tonight for the sunshine and rainbows are returning tomorrow.
Later on I will write in my book of positive aspects all of the positives I have about me and my life. How well I am doing, how proud of myself and you lot I am and then I am having a love in, I have brought my favourite take away. Going to have a really nice HOT HOT bath, with candles. I am going to read, I am going to watch ted x, mike dooley and abraham youtube videos, I have purchased myself a keep going present of a lapel microphone so that I can make better sounding video’s for you all. And most of all, I still love me, I really do love me, I may be a sad me today, a more than likely hormonal and due on her period me, but nevertheless I am one badass wildflower and I will grow with the rain.
So lets all hold hands, we have got this! It may not be the best day, We may be a grey cloud, but we are about to explode with those beautiful droplets of life, for Flowers can’t bloom if they aren’t watered.