This morning marked the first day of year 4 for Ky, this week will mark the first afternoon for J to start school.
These 2 factors leave me scared.
I will no longer have my buddy around to keep me busy, I will no longer have my buddy to snuggle and watch my little pony with.
My little buddy is a big boy. Who will soon be in reception full time.
Today I visited my doctor, I ran out of my medication 3 days ago and since then I have had horrible withdrawals of disgusting, vivid and horrible nightmares a long with the worst panic attack I have had in a long time.
I have more medication to take. I am to not go without again if I run out. the positive is for how bad I feel my medication is obviously making me feel better. So as my cocktail grows I hope as does my good mood and life motivation.
I have a number for the IAPT Team I used before and I intend on getting myself in touch with them and getting back on my course now the boys will both be at school.
Since being home I haven’t done much more than sleep, I couldn’t appreciate the help I receive more. I know I am quiet to the people I am close to and should be talking to, but some times I just don’t realise how distant I make myself until someone asks me how they are.
I heard a great saying the other day and I am trying to keep it in my mind set as to not keep stopping myself from doing things.
‘Finished, not perfect.’ You can always improve on something you have done before but where can you improve on something you have always been too scared to do, not confident to complete.
I know I have been quiet here too, I usually do when I’m trapped in my head. But the more open I can be on here I hope the more I can help others too. I am trying new things. Noticed a difference since I have been listening to different frequencies when I sleep and I now always wear my baltic amber brace.
Is this now the turning page to my new chapter!? Let do this good feeling adventure!