I have so many things that I want to tell you. I feel like this would be the easiest way to release where I have been and why, kinda.
Dear January and February 2017
What an amazing, life changing, heart breaking, growth starting and inner self changing two months. I have cried tears of pain, tears of sadness, tears of happiness. I have been scared, been lonely, been panicked, been elated, been ecstatic, had fun. Had enough but kept on.
In the last 2 months my life has been turned upside down, shook, been pulled apart and thrown around. I even think some parts have been thrown away. But with all of this has been an epiphany of me. A chance of allowing myself to really delve into myself and to really feel what I need.
I have became a single mum. Realised even more so how amazing my parents are. Opened my eyes to how lucky I am to have such beautiful, brilliant, personality full sons to keep me going even if sometimes I am exhausted and my ears bleed from the constant talking. I love them so unconditionally. And if they see I am unwell they are more than happy to have a youtube session and allow me to lye in bed whilst they sit with me.
So lets bullet point:
- I cracked my jaw (I will open up about this another time when I am ready)
- I became 26
- I officially became a single mum
- I missed out on seeing Impractical Jokers
- My spiritual journey really came into play
- I had an amazing trip with a brilliant friend and we seen Wicked in London
- I had a girlie night out
- I really started embracing my love of books
January was pretty sucky, I was put on a liquid diet because of my jaw but my love on food and greed meant that I wasn’t on a liquid diet for very long and would painfully attempt to eat what I wanted. My jaw was the reason I couldn’t see impractical jokers too, because seeing something hilarious when you have been told to keep your mouth shut isn’t particularly clever. This was devastating to me and it has taken these two months (it’s now march) for me to be able to watch them again without feeling resentment. January was also amazing. It was the month of friends, I have so many supportive friends and it was amazing that this year everyone (mostly me) has been making an effort to either invite people round or to meet up. Nothing makes me happier than a good life improvement book. I have 4 books I am reading at the moment and this makes me so happy!
- Diagnosed with Fibromyalgia
- I have let people down with how rubbish I have felt
- Ky has suspected Autism which answers A LOT of questions
- Read The 5 love languages by Gary Chapman
- Took a hit with a Fibromyalgia flare and depression
- Andy and I decided that life and love has more meaning together.
- Even more so back into my spiritual life, as I have so much contrast to work through.
- I began to listen to Abraham hicks more to get me through the tough times
- My confidence is growing
- I broke my phone
- My self love is growing
- I am more open to fun opportunities
Now we are into March 2017 lets see how this pans out. I have to say that I am much happier with having more space, more peace and quiet and more control over my life. Ky is seeing a counsellor and she is really helping to understand how he lives and how I can help. My friends are amazing, still and always. My Fibro is being an asshat again, tonight after attending kidz to adultz middle I am done in. But I learnt a lot about ASD and Sensory processing disorder. I also have a new phone which is sitting currently unlocking and I will be able to use in a few days. I have read The Queens Code by Alison Armstrong and this book literally BLEW MY MIND. It has changed how I feel and look at men and has improved my relationships with all the men in my life! I would recommend it to every woman open to accepting a new way of thinking.
I am feeling so positive at the moment and I don’t think I have felt so on the right track in a while so it is very welcomed. I am still learning coping mechanisms with my Fibromyalgia and despite a few quite hardcore curveballs I feel like we are all working more towards our Authentic selves.
The book I am reading Currently is Unlocking The Queen Code by Molesey Crawford. I am enjoying it so far and looking forward to working and improving on my inner self even more so.
Here are two of my favourite quotes so far this month:
It’s not about the ‘hard work’ it’s about the ‘heart work’ – Molesey Crawford
Children to not misbehave against the adult, they misbehave to solve a problem for themselves – Davina Richardson
Remember you can only properly love others once you fully love yourself. You are worth making the time and investment for. I am really enjoying seeing where life will take me in this self improvement journey. Lets hope this month continues to be playful and I continue to be allowing and fun.